So when she did change, it both surprised me and shook me to my core.
Recovering from her hysterectomy meant she was in a lot of pain. She couldn't clean or cook. She couldn't bend over. She couldn't wash her own hair or even drive for two weeks.
It's actually pretty similar to what I have had to deal with on a daily basis...
I wasn't expecting a thank you, let alone an apology.
But she did. In the most personal way.
She apologized to me for leaving me alone on a day I needed her most.
One day, I began experiencing racing heartbeat (a reaction to one of my medications). My husband was at work and although he did ask his bosses if he could come home to take me to the hospital, they wouldn't let him. So hesitantly, I asked my mom if she would come over to our apartment and stay with me until Andres could come home and take me to the hospital.
Unfortunately for me, it was the same day as my cousin's wedding and my parents had already RSVP'd.... That killed me inside, so when my mom apologized for not being there for me that day, I practically broke down.
She told me that after this surgery she feels she can relate to me more....
That feeling incapacitated for two weeks made her frustrated. That the pain was exhausting and everytime she tried doing anything, she felt drained and suffered the consequences later. That she hated being so dependent on other people because she couldn't do anything. That she couldn't sleep from the pain, which just made her more exhausted. "It wasn't until I felt the pain and the exhaustion that I realized that this is how you feel all the time."
Just that little bit of understanding, meant the world to me.. That little bit of validation took years of frustration and resentment off my shoulders.
And just like my mother's wounds, our relationship healed. It's not perfect, but I believe that now, it's better than ever.
The whole point of me writing this is as much for myself, as it is to other RAers out there.
To remind ourselves not to let Arthritis take away our faith or our trust in people. I've experienced a lot of hurt because of this disease...and not all of it physical.
It hurts when you meet people who don't believe in this illness that they can't see.
Or the people that may make fun of my cane.
Even the people who seemingly don't give a crap.
But I still choose to have faith that through awareness people can understand and accept this Invisible Illness.